cw: [in alphabetical order] ableism, central florida, sexual harassment
• • • the more i think about my childhood the more my abnormally-thin blood boils at the defenseless nature of my [almost lack of] existence• • •
listening to a podcast where an accidental conversation surrounding 'home room' in public schools ensues due to a co-hosts lack of involvement in it, i question how many people don't have that as a shared experience.
'seminar' then comes to mind - which was every other day and probably only in my schedule because i was in a school within the Department of Defense systems. the r___ wasn't exclusive to the DOD, though. that happened to me in the civilian schools, too. i question how many people don't have that as a shared experience.
only three minutes to get to one side of the campus from another between classes gave plenty of time for my heart palpitations to start my monitor screeching away as the chords and stickers pull and tug the skin over-exerting itself to get from one inaccessible side of a field of orange groves to the other in 180 seconds or less. only leaving enough time for chaos to ensue outside, for them all to come in without being noticed as they go to hide in the accessible stall. only enough time for me to have to wait to go to the restroom during my next class, so i can readjust my heart monitor, reapplying wires + patches that almost made me late for the upcoming period because the school sheriff's kept trying to get me to stop running with tech since i "wasn't allowed to use a walkman during school hours". i got everyone to start calling me Bionic Woman, like the sci-fi tv series from the 70's, which sadly but helpfully stuck in the principal's mind more than my doctors notes and medical records did. i question how many people don't have that as a shared experience.
contrary to the prior [and potentially standing] conspiracies of my estranged mother and the likes of her, no. i am not transgender or queer because i was g___r____ during first puberty, by grown men. any kind of person can get r____, anytime. i know this as a non-binary person in my 20's in a city. i knew it as a closeted preteen in the farmlands, and all throughout my life on army bases. how many wires need to be crossed wrong in your brain for you to get to that prompt to begin with...i question how many people don't have that as a shared experience.
i haven't the slightest clue how a comedy podcast led me to these memories. my cptsd scares me. i question how many people don't have that as a shared experience.