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hallucinations my new psych told me there's nothing we can do about

Writer's picture: yannick-robin eike mirkoyannick-robin eike mirko

Updated: Nov 29, 2022


I just don't know how to not feel like I'm

ceramic fragments of a coffee mug with dried up grounds stuck, constantly ripping

into tinier pieces. As oppose d to a

human, who feels.

A subway car can fill up with one

hundr ed of the same exact person. ..I

can touch them, hear them, feel their

breath running down my neck.

I go to sleep. The same person

appears. I wake






up. The movies that

feature that person overlay above the

people that fill the train car when it's

not them, all day.

Always cracked, never shut. Unlike the

doors of the cars that trap me down

there with them for over twenty

minutes at a time as the rest of the

people on board simply grunt at the

only inconvenience to them being

getting somewhere else a littler later.

I would grunt too, but | stopped



understanding whether or not there

were ever lips on my mouth when the

train stopp ed for more than five

seconds. That's how fast it happens.


Sometimes it's the way someone's

hand moves to grab their coffee from

the ir. bag. Sometimes it's a silhouette

that deceives me back and forth more

than once in a minute.


I'm constantly trying to decipher if my

thoughts are memories or

hallucinations.

Am I just remembering the way his

hand used to approach my face in the

way that the fingers clasp the coffee. . ..

Is he really ordering a latte, still, after

all these years?


More than five seconds in a crowd of

people and at least two to five of them

become one of.….it somehow becomes

indistinguishable, yet exactly like the

moment you were hurt the most by that

person, combined with all of the other

times it happen ed too. In five seco n d s..

And somehow, your left leg has to turn

back on so you can get off at your stop.

Though you never really leave the

train..

“Enter with or buy Metrocard at 168th st.”

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yannick-robin, is a Manhattan, NYC-based Biawaisa/Yamoká-hu/Maorocoti multidisciplinary artist and activist with a rare disease.
He began working with nonprofits in 2020, most notably working for Imara Jones (one of TIME Magazine's 100 most influential people of 2023), owner of TransLash Media, where trans stories are centered in order to save trans lives. While under her wing, yannick-robin was nominated for a Webby Award as an associate and digital producer for the TransLash Podcast with Imara Jones, worked on The Anti-Trans Hate Machine: A Plot Against Humanity series as a producer and fact checker, and wrote obituaries for their TGNC siblings lost to violence in the United States and its Territories (more on this here). They have since then written for TalkDeath (read Racial Disparities and Discrimination in the Death Care Industry), focusing on Queer and BIPOC end-of-life preparations and equality, as well as making strides as a disability activist within the performance space, being Off-Broadway in the first TGNC Theatre Festival in the professions history, + being the first wheelchair user to perform in several iconic regional theatres of the US while advocating for accessibility for trans and disabled performers and continuing on with activism as a freelance writer and advocate/consultant. They were recently added to the University of Minnesota’s Tretter Transgender Oral History Project for his contributions to the progress for trans rights in death care and theatre. Now offering obituaries, death doulaship, and bereavement counseling for TGNC decedents and their families as well as trans people lost to violence, people with rare diseases, and the disabled. 

for commissions, death care, speaking engagements and more, press the contact button.
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yannick-robin eike mirko is represented by Arise Artists Agency

© 2024 yannick-robin eike mirko

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